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[Scrambles]

Yes, I know. It's taking me forever.

Basic Information

Name: Dy'Lan Iqety Delrodcha

Age: 79

Gender: Male

Species: Skeld

Appearance: Dy'Lan's body, standing at just under 3 feet, is a stone grey lined with intricate, while still simple, markings that can glow in a sickly green color. It's often used when he feels threatened, his markings will glow brightly. The markings are mostly located alone his forearms and his torso, although there is a single marking that circles his neck, and a few that go down his thighs. His tail is fairly long and has a small row of spines that stick from it, giving it the look of a fine serration.

His head is bald, save for some pale white hair that goes from ear to ear and drops down to cover his neck. His eyes are a dark grey, some flecks of purple around the iris, although the purple is often not visible when his marks are glowing.

For clothing he has a few hides that he's sewn together that keep him warm while he is deep in his cave system, and a few pairs of trousers and shirts that he wears on the rare occasion he needs to leave his home and go to a nearby town or forest.

When he knows he is going to be fighting, he dons a tunic of Dresall skin and an ordinate skull as a helmet, the tunic is also supplemented with bones and fragments of metals left over from whatever armor the previous owners wore. The helmet is actually composed of an insect carapace, similar to that of a horseshoe crab with the back being layered segments.

Items: Various outfits, primarily made of skins and/or carapaces of things he's killed, or made of things he's found or crafted.
Pick Axe(s)
Various other items made of creatures or stone

Hidden Information

Spoiler for Hiden:

Personality: Dy'Lan is....off his rocker, to say the least. He inhabits a once thriving village that suddenly became vacant, him being the sole inhabitant. He feels that he is the reason everyone is no longer there and is working to expand the village and keep it in good shape in hopes that they will all return. He defends his underground village against virtually everything. Insects of all sizes, wildlife, Dresall, any anything that comes in without permission.

It is hard to speak to him and he gets anxious when not in his village or if there is something or someone there that he believes would upset the others if they were to return, so he rarely allows anyone inside for any reason, although no one ever wants to come visit him. Over the years he's mined away, expanding the village and making a rather extensive, complex cave system to combat Drasign warriors who come after him.


Reputation: Very few know about him, although the Dresall know that his 'vacant' home is still inhabited by something, and a few of the merchants at a nearby village he visits from time to time at night.

Culture: He has no real culture anymore. Although the village was set up similar to a tribe, with a ruling pair, a place where a male and female had final say. But now that he is the sole inhabitant there is no reason for him to do anything aside from eat and sleep now.

Languages: Drasign, Skeld Slave Tongue.

Abilities:

Strengths:
His hours of mining gave him a large amount of stamina and strong limbs
Dy'Lan is exceptionally talented (All things considered) in combat against Dresall in his tunnels.
Racially, Dy'Lan can see in the dark and has acute hearing senses.

He has had no formal training in combat, although has adopted moves that counter Drasign combat tactics. He refers to his awkward fighting style as Dresell's Bane. It consist of Feints, quick attacks, and quick movements to dodge an attack and counter while they are slightly off balance. Although he usually prefers sneak attacks against them due to the size and strength difference.

Weaknesses:
Outside of his tunnels, Dy'Lan is clumsy and slower to react during fights, usually resorting to fleeing or trying to overwhelm the attacker with the sheer numbers of attacks he may be able to get off, utilizing not only his cleaver, but his feet and tail as well.

He avoids the few social situations he ever encounters unless he absolutely needs too. (I.E. Merchants)

He is mentally unbalanced and obsessive about the condition of his village. To the point that one unwelcome creature is subject to being viciously attacked.

Although, due to his superior Night Vision, His eyesight in bright areas leaves much to be desired, limiting his vision to around 20 feet, although he could see farther, it is nothing but blurry outlines and blotches of color.

Beliefs:

Class/Skill: No official class.

Weapons:
A 1 foot long slab of iron, sharpened on one edge to form a sort of cleaver, the handle wrapped in leather.

Bone Dagger (Essentially a bone with a sharpened point and a leather wrapped around the "handle")

Various others, made from remains of various creatures.

History:
Dy'Lan remembers nothing of his past anymore. Memories, and even emotions are foreign words to him now. He grew up in a village where everyone was friends, then one night the Dresell came in, slaughtered the defenders, and enslaved the others, save for himself. Midway through the attack, he was struck on the back of the head with a club, causing him to fall unconscious near a small pile of dead. Which is what had saved his life, as he was mistaken for dead and left behind while those who were alive were hauled off to god knows where. Having witness what happened to his city and his family, his mind was shattered and he was but a husk laying on the ground. He just laid there for a day or more before his psyche pulled itself together and got him to eat. At this point all he knows now is that the Dresall are evil, and that his village is gone. He doesn't remember where or why they are gone, but he feels that they will come back if the village is perfect. He views the sudden disappearance to be his fault, so he now spends his days cleaning it, defending it, and going to mine when there is no more cleaning to do.

Other Information: *Optional*

[Illyrianna]

Alrighty Nao, let’s see what we’ve got here…

First of all, I’d like you to rename this thread to match the name of your character. It would help you(and other people) to find it later on the forum. *nods*

Appearance is missing a few things. We don’t know how tall your character is, nor how he usually stands (general posture), or even his body build. Though I’ve seen a bit that might explain the build, just not in this section. I’ll get to that in a sec.

When he knows he is going to be fighting, he dons a tunic of Dresall skin and an ordained skull as a helmet,

I’m not too sure I understand this bit here. I get a feeling that you may have used the word “ordained” oddly. Please explain or reword that bit for me.

Personality:

He has had no formal training in combat, although has adopted moves that counter Drasign combat tactics. He refers to his awkward fighting style as Dresell's Bane. It consist of Feints, quick attacks, and usage of his entire body to knock a Dresall off balance or injure him. Although he usually prefers sneak attacks against them.

This part here fits better in the strengths, in my opinion. Please move it there. It elaborates one of his strengths nicely, aside from maybe one bit.

Keep in mind that Skeld are small folk, compared to the dresell (or most other races, for that matter). The fighting technique should perhaps use more dodging rather than direct attacks (I’m just referring to the “using his entire body to knock over a foe” bit. It doesn’t seem all to practical.).

Culture:

Although the village had one similar to a Sharzak village.

I strongly suggest you expand upon this a bit more. In what ways is the village similar to a Sharzak one? Just a suggestion there.

Languages:

Drasign, Skeld Slave Tongue, and fragments of other langauges, although he has no idea what the words mean, he has assigned them other meanings. Such as "house" in Sharzak could mean something like "door" to him

Stay realistic here. If he lived his whole life in this secluded village deep underground, hiding from Drasign patrols and whatnot, its highly unlikely he would have learned anything other than Drasign and the Slave language. I know the reasons behind those two, but I don’t know how he managed to learn bits of those other languages.

I know its tempting to say that a character knows an unknown amount of languages and later adapt that number to circumstances, but I’ll have to ask you to actually list the languages he knows. If you want him to mess with one of the existing languages by replacing meanings, that’s fine, though I strongly suggest you focus on just one language for that purpose. 

Abilities:

Before the disappearance of his village, he had learned how to use the Mysteral as a sort of alarm system, which he now has at the entrance of the village and a few key locations elsewhere.

I’ll need more info on that ability of his. How does it work? What are the upsides? The downsides of using it?

Strengths:

For his size, Dy'Lan is fairly fit due to the hours of mining.

Much like the bit in the Personality, this one would be better off in Appearance. It explains his build better than it explains the fact he’s stronger than most Skeld are (which is what I assume you wanted to say). I strongly suggest leaving a reworded part here that explains the said strength better.

Weaknesses:

Outside of his tunnels, Dy'Lan is not as useful in a fight.

This could use some elaboration. I know that Dy’Lan loses his tactical advantage outside of the tunnels, and that sunlight might further hinder him and so on and so forth; but the other players wont know it unless you write it in your sheet. <3

Actually, all of the weaknesses could use some explaining, but this one (and perhaps one other)in particular struck me as too vague. I strongly suggest you expand on all of the weaknesses, such as how his obsessiveness is displayed, or his inability to socialize. Does he get twitchy? Or starts to stammer? Things like that.

Although, due to his superior Night Vision, His eyesight in bright areas leaves much to be desired.

Does he suffer any severe consequences from bright areas? Like headaches or temporary blindness?

Weapons:
Dy’Lan is 3’ something tall (I'm assuming). Wielding a weapon that is about two thirds of his size doesn’t seem like too good an idea to me. His strong points are stealth and speed, and giving him such a cumbersome weapon would be like giving a stealthy assassin a claymore to attack with. It doesn’t seem practical. I strongly suggest you give him a smaller cleaver.

History:
Perhaps the fact he doesn’t remember anything needs more elaboration. He obviously remembers something, otherwise he would have little reason to hate the Drasign/Dresell. Unless he had bad encounters with them after the big tragedy, in which case my bad.

As for the reason he was left behind… The classic one I could think of would be that the attackers mistook him for a corpse, for example.

Lastly, if you’ve decided upon Dy’Lan having a Rah companion, I strongly suggest you at least mention him somewhere.

[Scrambles]

Bump for review

[Illyrianna]

Mmkay, I looked over the sheet, and the only two issues I can see are the ones I told you about on skype (though you’re offline at the moment, so you might get those messages later.) At any rate, I’ll repeat what I said here.

We still don’t know how tall Dy’Lan is. If not a number, at least give me a comparison to the average of his race (is he tall? Normal? Short for his kind?). I also strongly suggest throwing in a few bits about his common posture and facial expression.

As for his ability: I’m not sure if its a magical ability. It sounds more like it’s a skill close to geology, in which case it should be moved to strengths. If it is a magical ability(if he uses magic to determine traits, etc), then I need more information on it(limitations, backdraws, a bit more on how it works… stuff like that).

[Illyrianna]

APPROVED!!!

Have fun!

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