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[Tzal]

Basic Information

Name: Slarin

Age: 53

Gender: Male

Species: Klavden

Appearance:

Slarin is about 6ft, 160 lbs.He is lean and athletic with dark skin and black hair. He has bright blue eyes set in a face most would call hansom. His eyes are a bright and standing in contrast to his otherwise dark appearance. He walks upright with the grace that comes from someone who is comfortable and familiar with their abilities. He has fur covering his ears and tail as well as forming a mane and covering his shoulders. His fur is about like that of a short hair cat, covering him but not overly long. His fur is marred in several places due to old scars making the fur not sit quite right in those areas. It bushes out some under his chin and around his neck giving him a slight mane but this he keeps neatly trimmed.

Slarin most often is seen in loose shorts with a belt around his waist holding several bags as well as a good number of throwing knifes. He wears a harness crossing his chest that support two short swords on his back. These he can adjust so as to easily conceal them under a loose shirt or jacket though most of the time he keeps them up and easily reachable over each shoulder. He only bothers with other clothing if there is a need. He prefers to be free of anything extra that might restrict his movement.

Items: He caries several small bags on his belt along with his throwing knifes. His harness crossing his chest holds two swords on his back and is sometimes used to carry other items hooked into different points on the leather as needed. For example he carries a larger satchel folded up on his belt that he can hook to the harness on the back forming a backpack of sorts.

Hidden Information

Spoiler for Hiden:

Personality:

Slarin is a bit of a loaner. He is often off by himself but is generally tolerant of others. He is not the type to start a fight but will not run from one. If provoked he tends to bottle up his anger and wait for conditions to be in his favor to attack instead of allowing himself to be drawn into a fight.

Slarin also despises any kind of authority. He lives by his own code and does not take sides in political fights unless it is of some benefit to him.

It often comes as  a surprise to those that meet him that he also has a love of music and dance. Growing up in the streets he found that music carried him away to happier places. It as a result is a large part of him.

Reputation: Slarin is known in some of the slums and such. He mostly tries not to attract too much attention and therefor prevents gaining too large a reputation.  

Culture: N/A

Languages: Rozen and Shaden. He can somewhat understand Charruk but can't speak it.

Abilities: N/A

Strengths: Slarin is very fit and acrobatic. He also is good at masking his feelings from those he is with. He is very skilled with his weapons of choice the short swords and throwing knifes.

Weaknesses: Slarin having grown up on the streets is easily tempted with fine foods. He also is poor at managing money and is always broke and looking for work. Slarin also very rarely uses any kind of armor or shields making him very vulnerable to projectiles. On the rare occasion he does try to use these his motion is impaired making it very difficult for him to fight normally.

Beliefs: N/A

Class/Skill: Rouge

Weapons: Throwing knives and two short swords.

History:

Slarin grew up on the streets of various cities of the Drasign empire. This taught him from a young age to fend for himself and always be on guard. While he grew up in the Drasign empire he mostly interacted with those visiting and developed a hatred of government. He survived by staying out of the way and not drawing attention to himself unless strictly needed.

Other Information: N/A

[Illyrianna]

I’m not sure if this is finished or not, but I’m going to take the liberty of looking it over either way.

Overall a great job. I see only a few tidbits that really poke my eyes out. The rest is just a bunch of suggestions, so don’t be frightened by the length of this.

Appearance:
Appearance seems alright, length-wise. You covered most, if not all of the major points. However, I do have a little issue with the way you imagined your klavden.

He is largely furred

His fur is about like that of a shorthair cat, covering him but not overly long.

The klavden are not actually all covered in fur. They have fur on their tail, heads, ears and etcetera, but most of the body is still just skin. Definitely edit that in his appearance.

Aside from that, it’s usually a better idea to describe the character’s posture and body type/build, rather than just stating how much they weigh. It helps other players visualize better.

Languages:
Considering that Slarin grew up in Drasign, wouldn’t it make more sense that he knows Charruk better than the other two languages? Just a thought there.

Strengths and Weaknesses:
These two are alright as they are, though I would suggest adding more to both. I know its hard to make up strengths and weaknesses for non-magical characters, but there are things (perhaps more mundane ones) that can give the character an edge or take it away from him.

Not too sure what to suggest here, other than expanding upon his personality (how much it hinders him in society, whether it hinders or helps his work. Maybe he’s intimidating, which could help him in some instances while hindering him in other?)

Perhaps his skills may be a bit obvious (if a person carries knives and a sword around, they would know how to use them, no?), but his swordsmanship and knife-throwing-man…ship (I honestly doubt that’s a good phrase for that, but eh) could easily be added to his strengths.

Expanding upon how and why he can’t acquire money could also yield a few good weaknesses and/or strengths.

History:
This isn’t a must, but you might want to add Drasign to his culture, considering he grew up in that empire. On the flipside though, because he grew up on the streets, its a question whether or not he’d be considered a citizen (especially since he doesn’t have multiple last names like regular Drasillian have - implying that he has been cast out of the society, or never was in it to begin with). Could be either-or, really.

[Tzal]

Hey, thanks for the advise. I was still working on him mostly just letting it stew for a bit before I cleaned it up. Easy to miss things when you try and do something all in one sitting.

The fur I realize does not cover them entirely I was more trying to express that the areas that can go one way or another are furry, such as tail and ears. I will clean that up a bit for sure, I knew that was not very well done, just have not figured out clear way to word it all.

I kind of intentionally left some oddities in that he grew up in Drasign but does not speak their language. He grew up on the streets there but seeing as how the Dresell would have considered him trash he did not really interact with them as much as the people visiting from outside the empire. Being a street urchin kind of puts him in position of having grown up there around the culture but it would not have been something he would have embraced.

So that is kind of what I had in mind I will definatly be adding a bit more and cleaning up the rough edges. I will remove the *WIP* from title once I have it all worked out.

[Illyrianna]

Ah, in that case my bad. Players tend to forget to bump the thread when they’re done and forget to remove the WIP sign. However, I jumped the gun in this case.

You’re doing a great job thus far. *nods* Keep at it, and let me know if you need anything. <3

[Tzal]

Ok, I think I'm all done. I'm sure he will evolve some as he roams the world but I think he is ready to go. Let me know if there are any problems I need to fix.

[Illyrianna]

Mmkay, from what I see everything looks alright.

APPROVED!!!

With that out of the way, I’d like to suggest a thing or two. Regarding his appearance mostly.

This is a bit of a nitpicker, but Slarin having a dark skin could easily mean many things, though I assume the fellow is literally black or close to that. I wouldn’t have known this pitfall unless I’ve fallen into one myself, stating my character is pale, but forgetting to say he’s not literally white. Might want to throw in an additional word or two describing color there, is what I’m saying.

Speaking of skin, you might want to consider what kind of cat-like pattern he has on his skin, if he has one.

And, throwing in a facial expression your character usually has helps visualizing as well.

Lastly, another nit-picker. You might want to run the whole thing through a spell-checker of some sorts. I wouldn’t have suggested this normally, but you did call your character Slavin a couple of times, and there are some repetitive typos here and there.

Edit: Census updated

Edit: Forgot to say... Happy posting! ^^;

[Tzal]

Thanks! I just cleaned up most of the typos I think. That is what I get for using the microsoft notepad. I really need to work on finding a better word processor because I know my spelling is horrible 

I will also look at adding some more details as well. Thanks for the input!